


Europe is our oyster.

by mordredllewelynjones



Series: Batjokes travel series. [1]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman Europa - Fandom
Genre: AU, Amsterdam, Angst, Comic continuation, Cute, England (Country), Europe, Eventual Romance, Fluff, London, M/M, Romance, Russia, Spain, The Netherlands, barcelona, comic alternative ending, st petersburg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 14:44:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12235002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mordredllewelynjones/pseuds/mordredllewelynjones
Summary: Also on Wattpad. A Batjokes alternative ending/continuation of the comic Batman: Europa.IMPORTANT! This story is written in first person from two view points. Batman's point of view will be in bold font and Joker's will be in italic.A desperate struggle to stop Bane before his murderous plan succeeded led Batman and Joker on a trip round Europe, working together to save their own lives. Once Bane was defeated Batman wanted nothing more than to go straight back to Gotham but Joker didn't want the trip to end. So with a few sweet little lies the clown prince of crime convinces his greatest enemy to accompany him as they continue their tour of Europe. St Petersburg, Amsterdam, Barcelona and finally ending up in London. Batman assumes it's a sinister trap but for Joker it's something entirely different.Please note: I have never been to any of the places mentioned in this story and although I have put in months of research there may be some inaccuracies, either accidental or due to artistic licence.All artwork belongs to author. Please do not repost without permission.





	1. Rome

_Look, just 'cause we're cured doesn't mean the trip is over! Let's go to London, play Jack the ripper versus Sherlock Holmes! C'mon -- let's have some fun!"_

_I know as soon as I say it how he feels about it.  His body language says it all. As soon as he has his strength back I'm going to be shipped back to Arkham with broken ribs. I feel an overwhelming sense of resentment well up inside me.  Maybe I don't want to go. Maybe I'm fed up of playing our game by his rules. I recon it's about time I had my turn. The big bad Bat looms above me, baring his teeth in a way that reminds me of  stray dogs that you see prowling through the streets. Mean and blood thirsty. I laugh at the reference to our recent predicament, realising too late that it would only make matters worse. Batsy never gets the joke or if he does he never finds it funny. Luckily I've got a sense of humour big enough for both of us. "Yes. Let's have some fun" he growls as he leaps forwards. Unfortunately for him I've always been the faster out of the two of us._

_Whipping a small perfume bottle out of one of my many pockets I spray him full in the face then I stand back to watch as the knock out gas begins to take effect. He fights hard against it, grabbing me by the jacket and lifting me off the ground, but ultimately the combined pressure of the gas and the lingering after effects of our illness get the better of him and he slumps to the floor. Straightening my jacket I look around. Bane and Batsy both lie unconscious on the ground. I have them both at my mercy. I could do whatever I wanted to them  and there would be no one to stop me. I stand over Batman, pocket knife in hand. Most people in my situation would do at least one of two things. Unmask him and/or kill him. What's underneath the cowl has never interested me. Everyone seems to think that it's the man under the mask who is real but I know different. I know him. As his greatest enemy I should kill him, it's what any other Gotham villain would do in my place. Holding the blade against his neck I try and force myself to do it, to do the thing I always said I would do one day. Kill Batman. Dropping the knife I finally admit to myself one of the many truths I've been hiding from. I can't kill him. Curling up into a ball on the floor I gaze at him, enjoying the peace between us. At first fighting had been enough but for a long time now I've caught myself longing for something different but not knowing what. This trip has opened my eyes in so many ways. I don't want it to end, not like this anyway. As the sun slowly begins to rise I realise that this is my only chance. My chance to play the game by my rules and maybe even change the game entirely. Whistling happily I jump to my feet and begin the search for something to tie Bane up with. I can't wait for Batsy to see what I'm planning. He's going to love it._

 

 

**Pain. I groan loudly as I open my eyes, clutching my forehead as the banging sensation intensifies. Blinking rapidly in an attempt to clear my blurred vision I slowly sit up to find myself in the pilot seat of a thankfully parked Batwing. Somehow this doesn't seem right. Then I remember what happened in the Coliseum.  How Bane had ambushed us, how I had stopped him only to let the Joker escape. Right on cue the main screen in the Batwing flickers on and Joker's face comes into view. "Hey Batsy, sleep well?" he says cheerfully. "Sorry about leaving so soon but I had some things to sort out. Now I know you are just dying to know what they are but I don't want to be a party pooper and spoil the surprise so here's how it's going to go. I've arranged it so that Bane is already on his way back to Arkham so you have some free time on your hands. Meet me outside of the Church of Spilled Blood in St Petersburg. I've got a plan that's bound to make you smile. See you soon Bat boy!"**

**Joker winks playfully, waves at the camera and then the screen goes black. I groan once more and sink back in my chair. How could I have let him escape? There's no telling what that maniac has planned. What ever it is people are sure to get hurt and it will be my fault. Joker is my responsibility, always has been and always will be. By letting him get away I have put innocent lives at risk. The worst part is that it's not the first time in the past few days that my judgement has been clouded as far as the Joker is concerned. Nina is dead because I trusted Joker to save her. I had actually trusted him! He had thrown my misplaced trust right back in my face as he stood over her as she died, laughing. Cursing myself for my stupidity I prepare the Batwing for take off. Until I know what Joker is up to all I can do is give in to his demands, I have no other way of keeping everyone else safe. With this grim prospect in mind I set off.**

 


	2. St Petersburg

_The Church of our saviour on spilled blood. A long name I know and that's just one variation. It's built on the site of where a former emperor was mortally wounded and you couldn't ask for a grander memorial, the thing has more mosaics than you can shake a stick at. I'll be lucky if I get thrown in a ditch when I go. Oh well, I know Batsy would miss me even though he'd never admit it. Speaking of the Bat I wonder where he is, he's taking his time. Sure it's a long way but that plane of his is exceedingly fast, he should be here by now. I decide to have a walk around the souvenir market near the church while I wait. There's some pretty neat stuff but I can't afford to buy it right now. Normally this wouldn't matter, it's not like I haven't stolen anything before. While I'm here though I want to try and keep a low profile if possible. For one thing Russia can be an unsafe place for someone like me. Not because of mob bosses, crime circuits and things like that. They are pretty much the same wherever you go and if you can handle yourself in Gotham you can handle yourself anywhere. Here I have to worry about something quite different. In Gotham Batman and I could walk around hand in hand without any problems, sure we'd get some odd comments and looks but that's just because of my reputation as an artiste. In Russia you could get beaten up or worse for something like that. Trouble like that is the last thing I want at the moment and giving any jerks that happen to be hanging around extra motive by nicking stuff wouldn't be smart. Besides, I want to enjoy this trip and I can't do that from inside a prison cell. To be honest I'm beginning to wonder whether crime is losing it's charm. If my plan works out the may I intend I should find out. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous._

 

**As a popular tourist spot it is naturally full of people. This only makes things worse. More people means more targets for the Joker. As I swing my way across the city I try to figure out what he might be planning. A bomb? A trap? I have no information to go on so it could be literally anything. Approaching my destination I am greeted by the sight of a bustling street market, I mean to swing straight past but something tells me to stop and take a look. Call it instinct. I spot Joker almost immediately, his purple tail coat makes him stand out from the crowd. Just looking at him fills me with loathing. Here is a man who has had a completely different outfit for each city we've been to, in short a man who cares more about his own appearance than human life. It's disgusting. Joker whistles cheerfully as he bends over a stall selling beaded bracelets. Well aware of the strange looks I'm getting I come up close behind him, close enough to cut of any possible escape routes. He freezes mid whistle then spins round suddenly so that we are almost nose to nose. "Hey Bats, I was wondering when you'd show up!" he cries. Then he bursts out laughing. "You're seriously wearing THAT here in broad daylight? They call me crazy!"**

**I resist the urge to punch him in the face with great difficulty. "We need to talk" I mutter threateningly. Grabbing him by the scruff of the neck I drag him away. "Cut it out! This isn't Gotham you know, people round here aren't used to this sort of thing. Do you really want that kind of attention?!" he shrieks. With a surprising show of force Joker twists my arm round and pulls himself free. I expect him to make a run for it but he doesn't, he just stands there staring at me with his hands on his hips. "You know, I've put up with a lot of stuff over the years" he begins. "Now I'm not talking about all those times you've chucked me in Arkham, that doesn't matter. I'm talking about how every time we meet we're always playing the game by your rules. Sure I play along. I leave clues so you can chase me and I tell you all my plans so that you can stop me just in time and beat me to a pulp. It's always about you and I've had enough!" Joker snaps angrily. "What are you talking about? You're are delusional" I reply. I have no idea what he is getting at. "Oh don't play that card with me" he warns with a sinister smile "I'm just as sane as you are. That being the case I know exactly how to help you understand your situation." At this point Joker turns away from me and leans against the wall, looking out over the river.**

**"Basically, if you don't do what I want all of Gotham will be destroyed."**

 

_"I'll stop you. I always do."_

_I laugh loudly. He just doesn't get it. "You weren't listening were you Bats? All the other times you've fought me weren't real, I let you win. You've never faced the real me before and this time it isn't a game. The fate of Gotham lies in your hands and god help it if you mess up. Who knows, Gotham might not be the only place to suffer. Perhaps the locals here will encounter an accident or two if you fail to co-operate" I snarl, flashing my wickedest smile. I have to put on a show and make him believe me. Maybe I'm being a bit over the top but never mind, if there is one thing the two of us have never been able to resist it's drama. I can pretty much read his mind at this point, that's how well I know him. He weighs his options and the risks. Does he have enough information to take me down without giving into my demands and if not can he shelve his pride long enough to play along until the part where he gets to save the day? "What do you want Joker?" he finally asks. I beam at him, a genuine smile this time. "Now you're talking! The deal is simple. You and me continue our little trip, see a few sights. We get to do what I want for a change and when we are done you can pack me off back to Arkham like usual. No tricks or crime and no one dies. Just the two of us in Europe with no distractions. Simple as that" I finish cheerfully with the air of an old fashioned game show presenter revealing the grand prize. The way Batman glares and folds his arms makes it obvious that he is less than thrilled. His only response is "What's the catch?" Typical._

_"No catch, not as long as you don't try to trick me anyway. The last stop is London. After that you can do whatever you want with me but until then we are both taking some time off for a change. Now come one, lets not waste the day."_

_With that I set off in the direction of the church. I know he'll follow me even if it is purely out of curiosity. Curiosity that only intensifies as I pay the admission charge to enter one of St Petersburg's most recognisable buildings (using perfectly legal money thank you very much.) He makes no attempt to disguise the fact that he is staring, he's obviously still looking for an evil plot of some kind. Well I'm sorry Batsy but for once this criminal is on his best behaviour. I should have known he wouldn't give up so easily. Still, I can't help but hope that he lightens up at some point other wise this trip is going to be a real drag._

_Entering the church you step into a breath taking kaleidoscope of colours which leaves even Batman feeling impressed although he tries hard not to show it. Glancing at him sideways I wonder whether there is still a chance that this trip might go well after all._

 

**I wish I knew what he was playing at. What could he possibly gain from dragging me on a sight seeing trip across Europe? There must be more to it than that. The Joker takes a small camera out of his pocket and takes a few pictures. True it is beautiful here but it just seems too ... well, too normal for him. What ever happens I can't afford to let my guard down.**

**"Smile Batman!"**

**Click. Flash. "Knock it off" I snap, making a grab for the camera. He merely jumps out of arms reach and sticks his tongue out at me. Even more people are giving us strange looks but he just ignores them, a tactic I decide to copy. We hang around for another 10 or 20 minutes while Joker takes some more photos then we head back out onto the street. "Come one, lets go" he calls as he sets off purposefully. He has obviously planned our every move. Suspicious. His conversation however seems the opposite. He babbles away, pointing out things of interest as we walk, cracking jokes (laughing at them himself when I refuse to) and being just a general pain in the neck. I can't wait till he is back behind bars, he's so infuriating. "Good lord it must be absolutely dreadful living in that Batcave of yours" he says suddenly.**

**"No wonder your Robins keep moving out. You are officially the worst conversationalist I have ever met and I've had dinner with Killer Croc!"**

**"Why on earth were you having dinner with Killer Croc?" I ask incredulously before I can stop myself. Joker gives me a sideways glance and raises an eyebrow. "You're not jealous are you?" he replies with a mischievous grin "because you know you can take me out to dinner whenever you like. All you have to do is ask." I let out a low growl and give him a warning look. "Alright if you really must know it was purely for business. I wanted someone tracked down and Croc, with his knowledge of the sewers, was ideally placed to help me out. If buying him an all you can eat dinner helps bring him over to my way of thinking then so be it" Joker continues less enthusiastically. I nod to show that I understand then go back to musing. "You're hopeless" he sighs with a clear hint of frustration. There's a pause. I savour the feeling of making him suffer even if it's only boredom I'm inflicting on him. After what happened with Nina, after everything he's done, he deserves so much worse but there is nothing I can do about that right now. Unfortunately the silence doesn't last long. It never does.**

****

 

_"It's about that girl isn't it, Ninja or something?"_

_"You don't even remember her name!" he bellows, making another grab for me. We're in the summer garden now so I have a large variety of trees in which to seek refuge. "Tell me Batsy, would it make a difference if I did? Remembering the dead doesn't bring them back Batman!" I call down from my perch. "If only it were that easy" I add under my breath. My heart tries to remember something but I shut it out. Memories are overrated and painful. "What are you talking about?" he yells back. "My bad day" I reply with all seriousness "but that doesn't matter anymore. The past is gone and remembering wont bring it back."_

_"That's no excuse for standing over her laughing while you watched her die. You were supposed to save her. I trusted you!"_

_I can tell instantly that he never meant to say those words and I am as shocked by them as he is. Part of me wants to laugh in his face and call him an idiot but I don't. Instead I tell the truth. "It was already too late by the time I got there" I say as I climb down from the tree. "Yes she was alive but she would have died anyway no matter what I did. It's easy for you to be angry and blame me, you didn't have to choose. You were plummeting towards the ground destined to become Paris's next crepe suzette. What was I supposed to do, babysit a corpse and let you go splat?!" There's a long silence. Too long. "What about the laughing? If it's truly as you say then why did you laugh?" he demands, turning on the intimidating bat-charm as I give over to a wave of giggles. I don't think it's supposed to be charming but I've developed a soft spot for it. "It's just a reflex Bats, surely you know that. Laughing is as much a part of me as that resting bitch face is a part of you" I tease with a small smile. Then I brace myself for the punch in the face but it doesn't come. He just stares ahead. Maybe I've broken him. Suddenly he glares at me, a glare so ferocious that it would chill most people to the bone, then continues walking. I guess that means we're good._

 

**"Did you know that the locals loved this place so much that they refused to chop a single tree down for firewood during World War 2?" Joker comments as he skips alongside me, literally skips. The man is the living embodiment of a boomerang, no matter how hard I try to push him away he refuses to leave me alone. "This place has too many statues for my liking" I reply and I mean it. Joker heaves a heavy sigh. "If it wasn't for your obsession with me I'd say you didn't have a single art loving bone in your body" he says dejectedly. I don't dignify that ludicrous statement with a response. Despite the excessive amount of statues the Summer Gardens are a very pleasant place, the many trees providing shade whilst at the same time creating a relaxing atmosphere. Then there are the several fountains and water features that are scattered around which only add to its charm. Then I remind myself to remain focused and not allow myself to get distracted from my job, my job to protect all the innocent people that Joker is pretty much holding to ransom. The question is, why am I so easily distracted? My insane companion continues his relentless commentary with his usual disregard for his audience's interest. I stop listening as I slowly start to zone out. I know I shouldn't because at any moment Joker let slip something important but I just can't help myself. I let my fear get the better of me. The truth is that as time has gone by I've found that Joker's speeches and jokes have been making more and more sense to me, something which can't possibly be good. The possibility that Joker might be returning to sanity is unthinkable so that leaves only one alternative. Whatever happens I can't let him know that he is getting to me and I certainly can't let myself be consumed by his madness, for both our sakes. I have to hold on.**

 

_He's stopped paying attention. Typical_ **.** _I have Paris's elite hanging reverently on my every word and following my every move but he is the one I perform for. His is the only attention that matters to me. Yet here we are, just the two of us and he's still trying to blank me. Still trying to shut me out. Fighting the impulse to commit a crime just to make him notice me is torturously difficult, it's become so second nature. The thing is that I promised no crime, if I go back on my part of the deal then he will go back on his and I don't want that to happen. This might be my last shot. We make our way out of the garden and emerge down by the river. I can't take this silence any more. "So is there a Mrs Bat?" I ask. He gives a strong, sharp gasp and nearly chokes. That got his attention. "Or a Mr Bat? I'm not sure which way you swing. Perhaps you prefer to keep it multiple choice" I add slyly, smirking playfully. He stares at me incredulously for a moment before hiding behind his usual brooding expression. "Are you serious?" he asks. "For once yes. I'm actually interested ... in the answer I mean" I finish hastily. "What on earth makes you think I'd tell you that? You'd just use it against me in some twisted plot" Batman growls angrily._

_"Geez Bats, do you ever think about anything that isn't work? I tell you, if I wasn't such a huge part of your job I'd get jealous."_

_For a split second I thought I saw him smile but I might have imagined it. "It's lucky that there isn't anyone then otherwise you'd really have something to worry about" he replies, definitely smiling now. "What about you then? I heard you ditched Harley or she ditched you. I take it that means you're single, unless of course your dinner with Killer Croc was more than you're letting on" he teases. I punch him hard in the ribs. "You say I have no sense of humour?!" Batsy continues, not batting an eyelid. At least I don't think he did, the cowl makes it difficult to tell. I laugh and instead of berating me he doesn't say a word. I dare to hope that that is a good sign._

 

**After walking in what seems like a massive circle we reach the impressive archway of the General Staff Headquarters which serves as the entrance to Palace Square. The Alexander column stands in the centre of the square, a site of regal history and bloodshed which is now a tourist must see and ideal place for local teenagers to practice skateboarding. Our destination is clear. The Winter Palace/Hermitage are a world renown museum and if I know Joker like I think I do he plans to end the day in the most impressive way possible. I just wish I knew why. "This should keep us busy, hey Bats" said Joker as he pays the admission fee and picks up a map. Judging by the rumoured size of this place I have a feeling we'll need it. "This way" I snap as I grab him by the hand and attempt to pull him towards the first exhibit, having looked at the map over his shoulder. "Not so fast Batsy" he cries as he pulls himself free "I want to check out the state rooms and the Jordan staircase first." I glare at him and he grins back. "What's the matter, getting antsy because you're not the one in control?" he taunts, raising an eyebrow "the world needs a bit of chaos now and then, it thrives on it." "Not your sort of chaos" I mutter angrily in return.**

**"No, maybe the world doesn't but you do. You'd be lost without it no matter what you might think.  Say what you like but you can't deny that we fit together perfectly, we are two sides of the same coin. We complete each other."**

**Joker winks at me then heads off in his own direction before I have the chance to contradict him. Shaking my head miserably I decide to follow him. The camera is out again as we ascend the magnificent Jordan staircase. My photo is taken several more times but I can't be bothered to make a fuss about it. Instead I admire my surroundings as we wander from room to room. I'd always thought that Wayne Manor had a sense of grandeur about it but I now realise that it looks like little more than a shack compared to this place. Home to a 3 million piece collection, only up to 10% of which is ever on display, it must be an art lovers paradise. The room is hushed as everyone gathers around the various works of art. Everyone except the Joker. "What are you doing?" I ask him. He's lying flat on his back on the cold hard floor. "Taking photos obviously" he replies with an amused smile. "Of what, the ceiling?" I retort.**

**"Yes, of course I'm taking pictures of the ceiling. The ceilings are prettier than the paintings in some of these rooms."**

**I look up and I have to admit that he is right. "I thought you of all people would appreciate a nice ceiling when you saw one" he adds as he picks himself up off the floor. I stare at him, puzzled. I haven't the faintest idea what he is talking about. "You bats like ceilings don't you? I assume so anyway otherwise why would you sleep on them?" he continues. Suddenly I understand. "You think I sleep hanging upside down?!" I splutter. Joker shrugs. I find myself laughing and after a couple of seconds he laughs with me.**

 

_The sky is gradually getting darker as we leave the museum hours later. "Well I guess I'll be seeing you tomorrow, I would ask you for a lift but seeing as you wont even let me listen to the radio whilst we travel I think I'll stick with my own arrangements" I say, leaning against a near by wall with my hands in my pockets. "How am I supposed to find you?" Batsy asks. "Oh I'm sure that tracking device you've stuck to me will point you in the right direction. You thought I wouldn't notice? What do you take me for?" I reply with a smirk. He folds his arms and scowls but I can tell he's not really mad. I can always tell when he is faking it. "Tomorrow then, unless of course you're willing to stop this crazy game and come back to Gotham without a fuss" Batman says. "No way, this is way too much fun" I tell him."I'd be stupid to stop now. You'll just have to be patient. See you later Batsy!" I give a small wave then turn on my heels and walk away. I can't wait for tomorrow._

__


	3. Amsterdam

**It is a nice day, I wonder what Joker has planned for it. What these so called days off are supposed to be about I'm not sure. I just hope things in Gotham are getting along ok in my absence. Alfred will no doubt have everything under control and I'm sure Nightwing will step in if needed. Besides, whatever is happening in Gotham can hardly be worse than what might happen if I don't humour my lunatic of a travel companion. Speaking of which...**

 

_"Batsy, over here darling!"_

_I've embarrassed him I can tell. I can't say I feel I sorry about it, the truth is that he needs to lighten up a little. He walks over to me, his bat get up looking just as out of place as it had done yesterday. It makes me smile. He doesn't look as in high spirits as I am but then he never is. "Joker" he growls, nodding in greeting "no new outfit then?" I stare at him in surprise. I didn't think he had noticed. "Aww Bats, I knew you cared" I positively beam. "That wasn't a compliment" he replies harshly. My face fell slightly. "Oh well, I'll take what I can get" I say with more cheer than I feel. I know I'm over reacting but for some reason that comment hurts me more than any punch. Am I going soft or something? Yes. I already knew that. The real question is, is that a bad thing and will Batsy stay in my life if he finds out?_

_"Joker!"_

_I snap out of it. "I'm sure I'll be able to pick up a suitable outfit in town today. Now come on, time is money" I call as I set off, giving him a cheeky wink over my shoulder. Batman follows a couple of steps behind me, making it look and feel as though I'm being stalked by the Grim Reaper. He sure does now how to kill a good mood. He must be really popular at parties, not. I giggle to myself, knowing full well that I'm the only one around here that's going to find it funny. "Wait here" I tell Bats. Popping into the shop there is a short conversation and money changes hands then I make my way back outside with my purchase. Batman stares at me with a look of pure horror on his face. "No! Absolutely not!" he snaps as soon as I am within earshot. "Oh come on Bats, it's a beauty! Let yourself have some fun for once. It wont kill you, not unless you're allergic to it of course." I laugh and do a Wicked witch of the west impression. "I'm melting! I'm melting!"_

_I_ _receive a very hard punch on the forearm which makes my eyes water. I try to shrug it off. "I'm serious, this is where I draw the line. There is no way I'm getting on that" Batman insists as he glares at our pink tandem bicycle in disgust. Putting my hands on my hips I raise an eyebrow. "That's your problem Bats, you're ALWAYS serious. Trust me, you haven't seen Amsterdam until you've seen it by bike. It wont be that bad, if you're worried about your cape getting caught in the bike chain you could always tuck it into the top of your tights. Besides, I'm the one in charge here remember? You're not in any position to put your foot down about anything" I add with a sinister smile. God he's stubborn! He's lucky I'm batty about him, ha! There is a pause then he heaves a heavy sigh. I've won. Just as I'm getting on the bike he asks "What are you planning Joker?" It seems different to other times, there's no anger or urgency. He almost sounds bored, as though he is only asking because he has to. I must be imagining things. "Would you believe me if I told you I wasn't planning anything at all?" I say, looking over at him. He doesn't need to answer for me to know that he wouldn't. He grudgingly gets onto the back of the bike and we set off. "You could at least tell me where we are going" Batman grumbles from behind me. "What's the matter Bats, upset because you're not in the driving seat?" I tease "You can't be in control of everything you know. Just relax, I've got a great day planned. You'll enjoy it." "I doubt it" he mutters. I roll my eyes but refuse to reply. What a spoilsport. After a few minutes ride we enter Vondelpark or The lungs of Amsterdam as it has been poetically referred to. Its 120 acres of ponds, trees and cycle paths are quite lovely. I get out my camera and attempt to take some photos but I expect they will just be a blurry mess. It's rather relaxing really, just Batsy and me spending time together with no schemes or explosions to get between us. I would say that I hope he appreciates it as much as I do but that would be asking for too much. Still, I'm not going to let Batsy's bad attitude spoil my fun._

_"Batsy, Batsy, give me your answer true. I'm so crazy over the love of you. It wont be a stylish marriage, unless I steal a carriage. But you look sweet upon the seat of our bicycle built for two!" I sing happily as we ride across a small bridge. "Stop it, you'll tip the bike over!" Batman snaps. I shot him an evil look over my shoulder but apart from that I ignore him._

__

 

**We've been riding for a while and I hate to admit it but Joker was right. Amsterdam really is best enjoyed by bicycle, I just wish it wasn't pink. He probably picked pink on purpose just to annoy me. Despite that, and his constant chatter, I can't help but enjoy myself just a little bit. As long as I don't get too distracted and let my guard down it wont hurt. So far it seems that as long as I play along the Joker is perfectly happy. No longer in Vondelpark we make our way through the picturesque streets of the city, across several of the bridges that span its many canals. Finally Joker stops whistling and says "Nearly there now Batsy baby." Looking around as we come to a stop  I try to figure out where we are supposed to be. "What about the bike?" I ask as he props it up against a lamppost. "Oh someone will take it I'm sure. We don't need it anymore and it's not like I can take it back to Gotham with me" he replies with an easy smile. He has a point there. Following him closely our destination becomes evident and I let out a groan. We are at Amsterdam's popular flea market and why Joker has bought us here soon becomes clear. "Come and help me pick something out will you Bats" he calls as he heads over to a vintage clothes stall and practically dives into an over crowded clothes rack.**

**I hate clothes shopping. I've lost count of how many hours of my life I have wasted as Bruce Wayne following girlfriends around clothes shops. Once again I find myself being buried under clothes as Joker tosses things over his shoulder and into my arms. This could very well take all day. "Don't worry, this won't take too long. I don't want to spoil my plans for the rest of the day" he tells me, obviously noticing my facial expression or what he could see of it anyway. This assurance doesn't exactly fill me with hope as Joker begins to try on outfits in the small makeshift changing room. "I like this" he says after what seems like the 20th change. I look up. "I'm not walking around with you dressed like that" I tell him. He merely smirks. "Forgive me but I don't take fashion advice from grown men dressed like flying rodents" he replies. "Bats aren't rodents" I mutter under my breath. "I know. I just say it because I like watching you get hot under the collar about it" he whispers, getting right up in my face. I try to seem unfazed. He grins suddenly the turns away to go and pay for the monstrosity that is a two piece purple sequin suit and orange silk shirt.**

 

_I'm getting to him, that much is clear. The question is whether it's in the right way. Trying to capture his attention without resorting to the easy option of crime is a challenge but one I'm determined to rise to. My ill conceived trip round the city however, isn't doing me any favours. One thing is clear, Batman isn't a shopping person. "Do you actually know where we are going? It feels like we are going back the way we came" Batman criticizes. "I know what I'm doing" I reply nervously, knowing full well that our route would ultimately take us round in circles. Walking through the peaceful streets we make our way to the next destination on our trip. Bloemenmarkt, Amsterdam's famous partially floating flower market comes into view. It really is quite beautiful, the bright colours seeming to jump out at you. Taking out my camera once more I run over with Batman close at my heels. Granted this probably isn't his sort of thing but as his idea of a perfect spot is a guano coated hole in the ground it seems pointless trying to plan our trip around him. Besides, it's about time he got out of his comfort zone. Browsing the various blooms for sale I set my heart on some brightly coloured tulips. After all, you can't come to Amsterdam without buying some tulips right? I pick up a vivid purple one for myself and after careful consideration a shining yellow one for Batsy._

 

_"It suits you" I smile as I tuck it behind one of his bat ears. Batman growls and reaches up to remove it. "No, leave it!" I whine, slapping his hand away. He grabs hold of my wrist and glares at me. There is considerable muttering from the people around us. "Please, don't spoil it" I whisper, sounding surprisingly sad and desperate. I don't mean to say it and I instantly start cursing myself for it. He stares at me strangely for a moment then, slowly, lets me go. Tucking my own flower behind my ear self consciously I turn away from him and start taking pictures of some cascading pink flowers hanging from the top of one of the stalls. After a few minutes strolling around the numerous plant sellers I stow away my camera and start to head back in the direction of our last stop in Amsterdam. I notice with a smirk that the yellow tulip is still perched precariously where I placed it. Savouring my small victory I lead the way through cobbled streets bathed in the approaching sunset, my personal bat bodyguard close behind. "Lost?" he asks, noticing our route just as I knew he would. Shaking my head I carry on purposefully, not wanting to spoil the surprise. This is the part of the day I have really been looking forward to. Reaching the edge of the water we find a canal boat, waiting to pick up passengers. Flashing Bats an excided smile I pay for our tickets and hop on board. "Ready to set sail captain" I cry, performing a mock salute. The boatman merely rolls his eyes. He obviously has the same sense of humour as Batman, in other words none at all. Sometime it really does seem like I'm the only person in the world who can take a joke._

__

 

**Judging by the way he is practically bouncing up and down this is what Joker has been building up to all day. The boat gets underway, on course for a tour of some of Amsterdam 100+ canals. "Smile for the camera Bats" says a voice next to me. I don't smile but I make no attempt to stop him as Joker takes my photo once more. Staring up at the bridges and slanting canal houses as we float past life seems so calm. I almost forget that the only reason I'm here is because of the homicidal maniac sat next to me. Not that there's any sign of homicidal tendencies at the moment. "What on earth is that!" Joker shouts suddenly, tapping my arm insistently and leaning over the side of the boat as he points frantically ahead. The boatman informs us that it is a waterbus and that truly is the best name for it. It's not a ferry, it's and actual bus driving through the water. It's quite surreal. Joker, finding this hilarious, bursts into hysterical laughter which seems to last for hours.**

**The sun begins to set in earnest as the canal boat slowly glides across the water and Joker goes quiet. Glancing at my reflection in the water I notice his. He's resting his head on one hand, his flower held in the other and he is openly gazing at me with a smile on his face. Stalker like behaviour is common with the Joker but somehow this seems different. I debate on whether I should call him on it but ultimately I decide against it. I just watch him in the water as he watches me, hoping that he doesn't notice. By the end of the trip I have come to the conclusion that although Amsterdam by bike is very pleasant canal boat is the only way to travel around this amazing city. "Tomorrow then" I say as we disembark. "I'll see you them Batsy" he replies. He reaches up and tucks his purple flower with it's yellow counterpart then walks away with out another word, leaving me feeling confused. I doubt he will ever make sense to me.**

****


	4. Barcelona

**The souring spires of La Sagrada Familia dominate the surrounding skyline, much in the way the Eiffel Tower does in Paris. I couldn't get lost here if I tried. I readjust my cowl self consciously as I make my way towards it. The bright sunshine of Barcelona has gotten the better of me and I've been forced to abandon my full costume in favour of a t-shirt and shorts. Yes, the cowl looks distinctly odd with this particular ensemble but seeing as the alternative is allowing Joker to know my secret identity I think I'll just put up with the additional strange looks. La Sagrada Familia really is a show stopping sight, just the sort of place I'd expect Joker to pick out. Looking around I search for my crazy travel partner as I come to a halt outside the front doors. "Batsy baby!" I hear a voice scream delightedly. Turning to look I see Joker running towards me and it seems I'm not the only one to find the sun a bit too much. He's wearing purple converses teamed with a pair of light green shorts and a bright orange vest top. However, it's the over large purple sun hat that really grabs your attention. It's set at a slight angle so that the locks of green hair that hang over his left eye are clearly visible, each detail of the outfit as carefully thought out as usual. I really should notice it all so much. "Oh my gosh Bats, I thought you looked ridiculous before! Talk about conspicuous!" Joker shrieks, clutching his sides and laughing. "You can talk" I snap back angrily. He is so annoying. "Come off it. You love the way I dress, admit it" he replies, resting his chin on my shoulder and smiling at me in a way designed to both charm and challenge. I refuse to answer. Being the clever man that he is he instantly realises what that silence means and grins widely. "Aww, thanks Bats! You're so silly sometimes, you know that? You should know by now that you can't fool me" he says in a sing-song voice. I push him away violently, perhaps a bit too hard. Raising an eyebrow he doesn't complain but there's angry glint in his eyes now.**

**As we head inside I can't help but resent him. Why did he have to be so difficult? I bet no one else I know has to put up with this sort of thing from their enemies. It would help if Joker actually knew if he wanted to be enemies because to me it certainly seems like he's having trouble making up his mind on the subject. This trip round Europe is a perfect example of Joker's habit of sending mixed messages. Firing bullets and baying for my blood one minute only to make way for flowers and flirting only a couple of days later. It's not that I wouldn't except it if Joker decided that it was over. I'm the only person willing to give him a second chance at anything and I'll happily say goodbye to the prospect of mutual destruction if I get the chance. I just wish he'd decide which way things are going.**

**A** **ll thoughts about Joker's unpredictability are driven out of my mind as I gaze up at the cathedrals cavernous ceilings and the stain glass windows which shower the walls with spots of rainbow coloured light. With its many pillars and walls covered with detailed carvings it's hard to imagine that this is still a work in progress. A church over 100 years in the making. The impressive grandeur of its exterior is all but surpassed by its magical interior. Joker's, now familiar, camera is out once more and to be honest to miss an opportunity like this would be criminal. "Think fast!" Joker shouts as he suddenly throws an arm around me and the camera flashes in my eyes. "I'd have told you to smile but you wouldn't have done it" he says cheerfully.**

****

 

_I take a quick look at the picture. It came out really well actually, neither of us blinked at any rate. I'd managed to get a couple of sneaky shot of the two of us before without Batman noticing but this one has come out a lot better than any of those. "Can you actually smile Bats?" I ask curiously. "Not that bat-smirk you do when you're about to kick some ones butt, properly smile." He blanks me as usual which really shouldn't come as a surprise. There's a pause whilst I take some more photos. "Windows" I hear him mutter in my ear all of a sudden as he grabs my wrists, gently this time, and turns me round so that the camera is pointing at the magnificent panes of stained glass. Then he walks off to another part of the building without another word. I giggle softly and try to fight the blush that threatens to creep up my cheeks as I'm left feeling breathless. For gods sake Joker, you are getting in way too deep. Making sure to get photos of the windows from every possible angle to show Batsy I then head over to where the brooding bat is standing._

_We walk around together in silence for a while before heading back onto the street. "On we go then" I say awkwardly. He nods and we set off. "Aren't you going to ask about my dastardly plan?" I ask jokingly after a pause. "What would be the point? You're determined not to say and I can't force you without messing up our deal. I might as well just focus on getting to the end of this trip in one piece" he replies in an off hand sort way. "Oh, does that mean I win? Are you actually admitting that I have gotten the better of you?" I squeal. "No of course not. I just know what my priorities are that's all" he grunts back. He glares at me but I can tell his heart is not in it. "Is there any point in asking where we are going?" Bats asks after we have been walking some time. He looks sulky. "We are going to get some food" I reply. I link our arms together with feigned confidence. I wait for him to push me away or beat me to a pulp but instead we continue walking. I try and fail not to read too much into it. Trying to keep conversation going I point out various things of interest, ask questions and crack jokes but I might as well talk to a brick wall. Still, I'd rather have a quiet companion who really understood me than some chatty know nothing and deep down there must be a part of him that likes my loud personality. He wouldn't have spent so many years chasing me if he didn't right? Doubts start to fill my head, voices telling me that I'm being stupid and screaming things that I don't want to hear. Batman has said before that he wants a different outcome to mutual destruction. That he would willingly help me and give me a second chance. Really, considering all I've done to him and the people he cares about, he should be sick at the sight of me. Perhaps he is. Perhaps he wants me dead but his rule wont allow it. I know that he considered letting me go back in Rome and I don't blame him in the slightest. To say I regret the things I have done would be a big statement and I'm not sure whether it would be true, that sort of thing is dangerous to think about. Madness is so much easier. All I know is that in my quest to make an impact on Batsy's life I've built myself a prison which I have no hope of escaping from. We are destined to do this forever whether we like it or not._

_"Joker!"_

_I'm shocked back into the real world as Batman grabs me by the shirt and shakes me. "What?" I gasp as I prise his fingers of my top with difficulty. "Nothing. It's just that you and prolonged silence are never a good mix" he replies, looking slightly sheepish. I smile lightly. "Oh really? From Berlin to Rome all you did was tell me to shut up. Why the sudden change of heart?" I ask with a suggestive eyebrow waggle, enjoying the renewed banter. "Because quite frankly I much prefer noisy Joker to quiet Joker. You can't tell anyone that though" he adds hastily. "My lips are sealed" I assure him, pretending to zip my mouth shut. For a moment I think I see him smile but if he did it's gone before I can be sure._

_Without noticing we had ended up exactly where we wanted to be, a fact demonstrated by the bustling crowd. "Stay right next to me where I can see you" Batsy growls irritably as I try to make my way through the hustle and bustle. He is always so suspicious. I roll my eyes but comply. Having cleared the crammed entrance we find ourselves inside the La Boqueria market. Underneath an iron structure resembling the roof of a train station is a vibrant display of colours and smells courtesy of the various stalls. With such and extensive range of food and so many eye catching things to see twinned with the hectic atmosphere it's quite an exhilarating place to be._

 

**"If you see anything you fancy just let me know" says Joker, eye brow raised as he leans seductively against a stall and accidentally knocks over a couple of pineapples. I groan then look away to hide my smirk from view. It's getting harder and harder for me not to enjoy his company which is something I really should be worried about. I'm not going to think about that right now though. Instead I pick up the fallen fruit as Joker runs off to look at something else. "The fish in Gotham are much prettier" he mutters as he bends over a strange looking anglerfish on one of the seafood stalls. "If you are talking about those hideous Joker fish..." I begin. "How dare you insult my babies!" Joker cries with mock horror. "They were beautiful. Besides, they certainly kept you on your toes" he adds, poking the anglerfish in the eye with what appears to be a satisfied smile. I grimace and pull him away. I know he's insane but that just gross. "Stop it" I hiss. He folds his arms and sticks his tongue out at me. "Killjoy" he grumbles. "What on earth could be fun about poking a fish in the eye?" I think out loud. Then I see the wicked glint in his eyes. "No. I don't want to know!" I cry instantly. He laughs smugly and I realise this, like everything else he does, had all been about getting a reaction from me. I shake my head. Walking through the packed marketplace is a lot of hard work but surprisingly still enjoyable. The array of stalls is quite impressive really. Everything from cured meat to fresh fruit seems to be available and with Joker running around like a hyperactive 5 year old I'm sure we'll get to see everything that is on offer.**

" **Here you are."**

**A plastic cup is suddenly thrust into my hand. I give Joker a questioning look as he pays the owner of the brightly coloured stall picks up his own cup of fruit juice. "What? It's hot today" he replies with a shrug. With the feeling that I should really know better than to accept anything offered by Joker I take a sip. "Not as hot as you though" he mutters under his breath. I spit out my mouthful in shock. "You should see your face!" Joker shrieks, pointing at me and laughing. I kick him in the back of the legs, hard enough to hurt but not to cause any real damage. "What do you mean, I should see my face? You can't see my face!" I point out. The juice is actually rather tasty now that I've had a chance to properly try it. "Maybe not but I could see enough to tell that it was hilarious" he insists. There is a short pause. "Does this mean that you are a fruit bat?" he asks with a smirk. I roll my eyes. "Aww, the terror of Gotham is just a cute little fruit bat" he coos, throwing me a flirtatious look over his shoulder. "Do you want to be punched in the face?" I ask, not a 100% sure if I'm angry or not. "Love you too Bats" he jokes. I feel myself blush under the mask and judging by his mischievous grin he noticed. What is wrong with me?!**

**Finding our way back out of La Boqueria is quite a challenge but eventually we end up back where we started. "Chocolate?" Joker mumbles with his mouth full, holding out a paper bag of sweets that he must of bought off one of the stalls we passed. Taking one, albeit rather reluctantly, I decide to try and find out where our next move will take us. Quite frankly I've had enough of markets to last a life time. "You'll like our next stop" Joker assures me as he leads the way back onto the main street "It's some where you'll feel more at home." I'm instantly filled with an intense feeling of dread**.

 

 _Barri_   _Gotic, otherwise known as the Gothic Quarter. The medieval heart of Barcelona. The small dark streets sandwiched between the old stone buildings are for the most part rather picturesque. Batman looks a lot more at home here. Well, as at home as a grown man in a bat-cowl and beach shorts can look anyway. I smile fondly at my fashion disaster of an other half, because he is my other half whether we decide to acknowledge it or not. There is no Batman without Joker and vice versa. "And here we have the North American Batman, a long way from its natural habitat. This resilient creature however is unfazed by traveling and can quickly adapt to any environment. It really is quite a privilege to be able to get so close to such a rare and elusive animal"  I whisper, putting on a voice resembling that of a narrator on a nature documentary and barely managing to contain my laughter. Bats makes a half hearted attempt to push my camera away as I take a photo of him with Barcelona's old Gothic cathedral in the back ground. "Why don't you go and annoy someone else for a change?" he grumbles but I can tell I have nothing to worry about. "Nah, you'd get bored" I reply simply. After taking a brief tour of the cathedrals courtyards we make our way through the aged, pretty streets. We decide to slow down and wander around at our leisure, not bothering to take the direct route to the place where we finish off the day._

_Eventually though Batsy is forced out of his new habitat and onto the path that runs alongside the marina. He's not a fan of palm trees if the looks of pure distaste he throws at them are anything to go by. "Please tell me we aren't going where I think we are going" he says in a disgruntled voice. "Geez, you really know how to turn being a misery guts into an art form don't you?" I tease. "Yet you still insist on being in my company every chance you get" he retorts with a satisfied smirk, knowing that I can't resist it when he beats me at my own game. The cheeky banter continues all the way down the long, skinny strip of sand that is the beach. Finding a relatively empty spot, something that is nearly impossible to do on this beach, we sit down. There's a long pause. "Wanna go skinny dipping?" I venture with a sly smile. "Don't even think about it?!" he growls. "You are too easy Bats!" I giggle hysterically, nudging him lightly with my elbow. He seems to relax after a minute, obviously glad that I wasn't serious but what did he expect? I'm hardly ever serious. After a while the laughter dies down and I look out over the waves with a sigh. "London tomorrow" I say sadly. I don't ever want this trip to end. I lean against his shoulder. "Get off" Batman grunts and pushes me away. I choose to ignore him and nuzzle against him once more. This time he lets me stay. "You're a hopeless case, you know that right?" he mutters. "Takes one to know one" I whisper back, just loud enough for him to hear. He laughs quietly._


	5. London

**London, the end of the line. After today it's back to Gotham and back to normality, not that life in Gotham is in any way normal. To think that this all started because of a plot launched by Bane in an attempt to kill me. My life really is insane. As I swing my way through the city, now thankfully back in my usual costume, I can't help but feel nervous about what the day might bring. The deal was that after London Joker would come back to Gotham without a fuss but could I trust him to keep his word. If he didn't then it wouldn't be the first time that I had trusted the mad man against my better judgement and paid the price. I will be responsible for whatever happens as a result of that.**

**Shoving these thoughts aside I land gently on the ground and stow away my grappling hook. Taking a deep breath I turn the corner and walk towards Trafalgar Square. Nelson's Column is situated in the centre with a fountain either side. Glancing round I spot Joker sat on the edge of one of them. He's wearing tight purple jeans with a dark green shirt, rolled up at the sleeves, and an open orange waistcoat to complete the look. It suits him. I approach slowly, waiting for him to notice me but he doesn't. It isn't until I sit down next to him on the edge of the fountain that he realises I'm here.**

****

 

_"Hey Batsy, I was wondering when you'd show up" I beam as I turn to the man sat next to me. I'm glad to see that the regular Bat-suit is back, another day of the cowl and shorts combo and I might scream. I'm only joking. Batman can make anything look good. "So what's the plan?" Bats asks, getting straight to the point as usual. "Oh no, I'm not saying a word. I want today to be a surprise" I cry, shaking my head emphatically. "I don't like you're kind of surprises" Batman says in a harsh tone. "Stop being mean and have some fun for a change" I reply. Without thinking I reach down next to me and grasp his hand then, realising what I have done, go bright red. I jump away so fast you'd think I'd been hit by lightning. Well done Joker, draw even more attention to yourself. I'm a mess. "Well lets go and paint the town red" I say enthusiastically, trying to act as though nothing happened. After taking a quick photo we strike out across the square, heading for one of  London's most recognisable landmarks. We're not going to be walking there though. Having reached the edge of the pedestrianized part of the square we head over to a nearby bus stop. Luckily we don't have long to wait._

_"Ta da!"_

_I fling my arms wide and gesture dramatically at the open top bus which has pulled to a stop in front of us. Batman looks sceptical. "Just give it a chance" I tell him as I buy tickets. A minute later we are sat on the top floor of the bus with the wind whipping through our hair. Well my hair, his cape. "Do you have one of these?" I ask, leaning against the railings._

_"What?"_

_"A bus. You have a bat version of pretty much every other vehicle on the planet so why not a bat-open top bus?" I reply casually. "And what one earth would I do with a bat-open top bus?" Batman demands. I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know. Maybe you could take the Robin's on a road trip or something" I suggest, slightly flustered. Do I seriously have to think of everything? There's a split second pause then Batsy bursts out laughing. I stare at him in confusion. "Oh god, that would be absolute hell" he gasps. I'm taken aback by how much more human he suddenly looks. So that's what he looks like when he really smiles. I'm so busy staring at him that we almost miss our stop and it's not an easy stop to miss. "Come on. This is us" I say, grabbing Batsy by the hand and dragging him off the bus._

_Big Ben towers above us. The neo-gothic Houses of Parliament that it's a part of are so iconic that even a first timer in London can't fail to recognise them. "Lets take tacky photos of us pretending to lean against the clock tower. Me first" I practically shriek, shoving the camera into Batman's hands. "You really have no sense of dignity do you?" Bats asks. I roll my eyes and make chatty motions with my hand. With a groan that makes it clear that he thinks this is a waste of time he points the camera at me and I get into position. Not that it makes any difference._

_BEEP BEEP! VROOM!_

_"Get out of the road you idiot!"_

_All of a sudden I'm grabbed by the collar and pulled forwards as a black cab zooms past. Craning my neck I watch as it speeds along, realising how close I had come to being road kill. I turn to look at my saviour, noticing as I do so the awkward position we're in. "Oh Batsy, I knew you liked me really" I say happily, gazing at the squashed bat lying underneath me. "Get off me" he grumbles. I rest my head on his chest and beam at him. "Thank you for saving my life" I reply in an over the top breathy whisper. "MOVE!"  Batman growls. Grudgingly I obey then I offer my hand to help him up. I notice him check for a joy buzzer before taking it._

_"You'd think a country so preoccupied with manners wouldn't be the sort of place to run over innocent tourists" I comment as I smooth the creases in my shirt. "If you stand in the middle of the road then of course you are going to get run over. Don't be stupid. Besides, I doubt you of all people count as an innocent  tourist" he replies with a smirk. I smile with my back turned to him, not wanting him to notice how much the fact that he had saved my life really meant to me. For years I've been pushing him to kill me but now I think that perhaps I'd be happier with a different outcome. A life with him would certainly be better than a death without him. Managing to get a few pictures of the clock tower without any more traffic related accidents we hop back on the bus and  head over to the other side of the Thames._

__

 

**The next stop on our very cliché trip is the London eye. I'm still unhappy about having my arm nearly pulled out of the socket every time we get off the bus but once we get up there it's quickly forgotten. Luckily it's a clear day so the view over the, surprisingly flat, city is spectacular. It's grey and dirty to be sure and the Houses of Parliament are the only real thing of interest to see but it reminds me of Gotham. It doesn't sound possible to be homesick for such a nightmare of a city but I do miss it. I feel at home up here though. "Not a patch on our place is it?" says Joker quietly. He moves to stand next to me and stares calmly out over the city. I nod silently and he smiles softly. "I didn't think you cared for Gotham" I reply. "Of course I do" he laughs "Where else in the world could you and I have so much fun? It's only in a place like Gotham that people like us could even exist. I may be trying to blow it up all the time but I still consider Gotham my home." He speaks fondly. I'd almost believe him but I just can't imagine how anyone could do the things he does without some underlining hatred. I wonder what it was that tipped him over the edge.**

**"Earth to Batman, come in."**

**Joker waves his hand frantically in front of my face, bringing me back to Earth. Without even looking I grab it forcefully and push it away. I'm so used to fighting that I still react as though every movement is an attack. "Cool it Bats. I'm not trying to kill you" he sighs. "What is this about then? You've got us running around Europe like tourists but why? This is all so ordinary, it just doesn't seem like you" I ask, genuinely curious. Perhaps he notices because this time he actually answers.**

**"I just wanted something different. Don't you ever get days like that? Sure it's not me, not the me you're used to anyway, but there has to be more to me than just crime and chaos right? Who knows though, maybe there isn't. The more I look at it the more it seems like it. I don't even know who I am anymore. Maybe I'm not anyone. Perhaps that's the reason I cling onto our game so much. I'm adrift in a sea of madness and you're my anchor, the only thing keeping me grounded."**

**He's talking to himself now. Staying quiet so as not to upset him unnecessarily I try to sort out my feelings in regards to this new information. Could this mean what I think it might? What would happen if Joker decided to try and reform? How would that affect our relationship? As soon as that particular thought enters my head I feel a surge of anger towards myself. He is a criminal, my only connection to him is that of a crime fighter. Even, if by some miracle, Joker turned his act around things between us wouldn't change. I'd still be dealing with him professionally, helping to rehabilitate him, but that would be it. I can't let him enter my life anymore than he has already. I can't forget that. Sudden hysterical laughter pierces my thoughts. Joker seems to have snapped back to his usual self. Try as I might though my mind keeps drifting back to the what ifs of the future which causes Joker to get stroppy. "Oh for gods sake enjoy yourself for once" he snaps as we exit the our capsule on the London Eye. He pokes the corner of my mouth upwards. "Smile damn it" he mutters angrily, his own smile still playing on his lips. I merely roll my eyes.**

**We are back on the bus, traveling across the triumph of Victorian engineering that is Tower Bridge. A minute later I find myself standing outside the infamous Tower of London. Over the centuries this place has served as a fortress, a palace and most notably a prison, a fact that you can feel in the air. Now I'm not a superstitious man but there is an atmosphere here that truly makes you appreciate its long blood soaked history. It almost feels haunted. "I know you'll like this place" Joker assures me as he pays the admission fee "It's dark and morbid. Just like you." "I'm not morbid" I argue. "Please, you dress up in a scary costume and chase serial killers. For a hobby! You have to be both insane and morbid to do that" he contradicts. Unfortunately he makes a fair point so I silently accept defeat.**

**Deciding not to waste time we head straight for the armoury situated in the White Tower. A large sculpture of a dragon comprised of various types of armour plating is the first thing that grabs your attention. The rest of the room is filled with a vast array of weapons and suits from different eras which I survey with mild interest. Joker stays surprisingly quiet, busy taking photos of the dragon from numerous angles. That is until he catches sight of another exhibit. "What so funny?" I ask him as he giggles uncontrollably. "Can't you see it?" he gasps. A sign tells me that I am looking at 2 suits of armour belonging to King Henry the 8th, one made when he was in his 20s and the other in his 50s. The man has a reputation for being fat but the practically square suit of his later years really brings the fact home. "It doesn't leave much to the imagination does it?" Joker whispers in my ear, shaking with supressed mirth. I stare at in confusion then my eyes fall on the, admittedly huge, codpiece and I suddenly understand. "Grow up" I groan, elbowing him gently as he shrieks with laughter. "Shan't! Imagine how boring the world would be if we were both serious. If I had the choice between being a stick in the mud like you or staying as my lovely, charming self I'd pick me every time" he pouts. "You need to meet in the middle" I tell him seriously. "I will if you will" he challenges me with a saucy look and for one crazy moment  I consider accepting. So much for staying focused but then if I'm honest I lost that battle ages ago. The tour of the tower continues as we walk through dark stone corridors to the dungeon at the bottom of Wakefield tower where the displays of torture instruments capture Joker's interest a bit more than I am comfortable with. As we leave Wakefield Tower we hear a part of a talk being given by the Raven Master. "Legend says that should there come a time when there are less than 6 ravens at the tower or should the ravens leave then both the tower and the kingdom will fall" he says dramatically. I can't stop myself from giving a snort of disbelief. I've never been one for legends. The Raven Master gives me a scathing look but continues.**

**"By decree of King Charles the 2nd the ravens must be protected at all costs which is why we always have at last 7 ravens in residence at any given time. The ravens are enlisted in the same way as soldiers and can be discharged if their behaviour is deemed improper."**

**T** **here are murmurs of interested and a few smiles of amusement from those who have gathered round to listen. "Hey beaky boy, 3rd from the left!" Joker shouts suddenly, pointing at one of the nearby ravens "You're fired!" Some people laugh and Joker laps up the attention, he's always loved an audience. Others don't seem as impressed and the Raven Master is among them. He makes a bee line for us. "If you two gentlemen continue to insist on making a nuisance of yourselves then you will be asked to leave" he warns us, trying to look intimidating. "What, is it illegal to have a sense of humour in Britain?" I retort, glaring at him. I surprise myself by how ready I am to come to Joker's defence. Judging by Joker's incredulous expression he is equally stunned. He stares at me for a second then turns to grin triumphantly at the guard. Giving the Raven Master a stern look I grab Joker by the hand and lead him away. "Thanks for sticking up for me Bats" he cries, trying to wrap his arms around me. I push him away. I'm not that far gone. Finally we enter the Jewel House. A moving walkway takes us around the dark room where the crown jewels sit glistening. I turn to Joker and notice him eyeing them greedily. "Don't even think about it" I hiss. He folds his arms and scowls. "What would you even do with them anyway?" I ask. "Wear them obviously" he replies "If you think I look fabulous now then honey you should see me in a crown." He winks. The walkway doesn't give you much time to hang about but I grab my liability of a travel companion by the arm and usher him out quickly as he gives me an evil look. I don't want stolen crown jewels on my conscience. Then, a still grumbling, Joker leads the way out of the tower and towards the tube station.**

 

 

_We emerge from the Covent Garden tube station and I try to get my bearings. The tube was horribly cramped but it's still the best way  to get around the city. It's evening now and the sun is getting gradually lower in the sky as we walk. "So I guess this is it" says Bats, turning to look at me. "Oh no!" I cry, astounded that he thought it would be over so soon "It's our last night and I intend to make the most of it. Besides, you can't come to London without taking at least a peek at the night life." I expect him to complain but to my surprise he does not. Perhaps I'm not the only one who doesn't want to go home just yet. Despite his lack of protest at staying I can't help but be nervous about what he'll think of what I have planned next. At last we reach our destination and I lead the way inside. As the waiter seats us I glance round our lavish surroundings. I've never been to the Sarastro before, I don't even know what sort of food they do here, but I just fell in love with the photos of its quirky décor. I want this to be a night to remember and this place certainly has the right kind of atmosphere. "Wait, are we having dinner here?" Batman asks, looking befuddled. I laugh, smiling fondly at him. It's getting harder and harder to hide my feelings for him. "Really Bats, the fact that you manage to function as a detective amazes me sometimes. Yes, we are eating here. I thought it might make for a nice change" I reply good naturedly. I glance at him nervously, trying to guess what he is thinking. He nods and picks up the menu. Typical. Just as unemotional as ever. The waiter returns to take our orders. I just point at any random thing on the menu, I don't really care about food right now. As the dreadful silence stretches on I realise that I have made a terrible mistake. This was a terrible idea._

_"Do you want to see a card trick?" I ask as I get out a pack of cards, desperate to defuse the tension. He leaps forwards and snatches them out of my hands. The other restaurant patrons turn to gawp at us. "Don't worry, they are safe but feel free to check them anyway. It will help with the trick" I giggle nervously. Having verified that the cards are just ordinary cards he returns them to me. "Sorry" he mumbles, looking at the floor. I manage not to gape at him in shock but it's not easy. "It's fine, it shows that you pay attention. I'd be insulted if you weren't even a little bit suspicious" I reply cheerfully. As the other people in the room gradually turn their attention back to their meals I start to shuffle the cards. My hands continue to fly, manipulating the deck until I finish the trick with a flourish. I can tell by his face that he is impressed. "So, how did I do it?" I ask with an attempt at a seductive whisper, leaning towards him with a smile. Without hesitation he runs his theory past me. He's right of course, he's observant I'll give him that. Before anything else can be said the food arrives. It tastes quite nice, possibly Turkish in style. I can't be too sure as I'm not really paying attention._

_"_ _So when you told Bane to kill me, you didn't mean it."_

_It's not a question, it's a statement. "No I didn't. Only I get to kill you and to be honest I'm not sure even I want that honour" I admit, glad that we are finally going to talk about it. "Then why did you tell him to do it?" he asks. "I was playing a hunch, same as you. Although I think for once you were closer to killing than I was that day" I reply, not looking him the eye. "I wouldn't have blamed you if you had" I add. There is a pause. "I doubt anyone else would have either but I would have and that's what matters" he says seriously, not sugar coating it at all. "You considered it though. I know you did. I forced your hand, that's the only reason I'm alive" I insist. I sound sad and desperate and he notices. "Yes I considered it but I would have regretted it if I had gone through with it. You did us both a favour by making the choice" he tells me. "I always knew you were insane Bats but now I must think you are crazier than me. After everything I've done to you how can you possibly think that way? No one, not even me, thinks that I'm worth keeping alive so how can you possibly feel that way?!" I demand in frustration, needing to understand. He sighs._

_"I know you want answers Joker but I don't have them. I don't understand it anymore than you do. Let's just finish off your evening shall we?"_

_He's made it clear that that is the end of the discussion. I'm tempted to end the evening then and there out of spite but I decide against it. He wants me alive, I remind myself. That must count for something. I pay the bill and we leave. "To be honest I always knew dinner would be a disaster" I admit upon reflection. He chuckles softly."We are a disaster" he mutters and he's not wrong. The walk through the dark busy streets feels a lot like home and I am soon feeling more cheerful. "Well if you like disasters then you wont want to miss the final act" I grin, pointing dramatically to the final stop on our European excursion. Batman's mouth falls open in horror. "I take it all back, lets not finish your evening" he says hastily. "No take backs! You're stuck with it whether you like it or not" I tell him, laughing at his facial expression. I hold the door of the karaoke bar open for him and he trudges in, looking like a man residing himself to the gallows. He can be such a drama queen. "I'm not singing!" he insists as a lady shows us to our booth ad takes drink orders. "Oh yes you are! You don't get out of it that easily" I cry shoving a microphone into his hands. "Don't worry though, I'll go first" I hasten to add as he glares at me angrily. Turning my back on him I begin to sift through the songs on offer looking for the one that will embarrass him the most. I smile wickedly as I find just the right one._

_"I made it through the wilderness, somehow I made it through._

_Didn't know how lost I was, until I found you._

_I was beat, incomplete._

_I'd been had, I was sad and blue._

_But you made me feel._

_Yeah, you made me feel, shiny and new._

_Hoo, Like a virgin. Touched for the very first time._

_Like a virgin. When your heart beats, next to mine."_

 

 

 **"Sittin'** **here eating my heart out waitin', waitin' for some lover to call.**

**Dialed  about a thousand numbers lately, almost rang the phone off the wall.**

**L** **ookin' for some hot stuff baby this evenin', I need some hot stuff baby tonight.**

**I want some hot stuff baby this evenin'.**

**Gotta have some hot stuff, gotta have some love tonight."**

**"Karaoke is over Joker" I groan as I walk down the street with Joker dancing and spinning alongside me. "I'm having so much fun though" he moans, making puppy dog eyes at me. I shove him gently. "Meany" he mutters then goes quiet. Immediately I wish he'd start back up again but I'm too stubborn to ask. I do have some pride. We walk along in silence, both secretly thinking about how we have reached the end. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Joker tackles me. I'm wrong footed and immediately curse myself for letting my guard down. Next thing I know I'm soaring upwards with Joker's arm gripping me round my waist. We land on the roof of a tall building and as soon as we do Joker throws my grappling hook back to me. "What the hell Joker?!" I yell, glaring at him. "Relax darling, I just wanted a place where we could have a little chat before we head back home" he says calmly, holding his hands up in a gesture of peace. Before I can respond he turns away from me and starts pacing.**

**"I've been thinking it all over" he begins "every second of our trip I've been thinking about it and I've finally made my decision." I'm completely clueless as to what he is talking about or at least I hope I am. I have a nasty feeling. "You and I have been fighting each other for a long time" he continues, turning to face me once more.**

**"I want to make it clear that I have savoured every moment of it. Not because of the crime or anything like that but because I was with you."**

**I grit my teeth, anger welling up inside me. How could he speak so calmly?! And how could I just stand here and let him? "I can tell that upset you" he adds hastily, looking nervous "Perhaps that came out wrong. Then again maybe it didn't. I have the feeling that what I have to say will upset you no matter how I phrase it. Still, I think it needs to be said." He steps closer and I have an overwhelming urge to punch him. It's not that I am fearing an attack, that's obviously the last thing on his mind. I just want to shut him up. Shut him out. His voice is gentle as he carries on which only makes me feel worse.**

**"I haven't been honest with you Batsy. About this trip, about my motives or anything. I've manipulated you. I don't expect you to be happy about it or to forgive me but hopefully once I explain everything you will at least understand why I did it."**

**There's a long pause were I try to hold onto my self control. "Bats? Bats, are you listening?" he asks, looking concerned. He touches my arm. WHAM! He crumples to the floor, unconscious. I look down at him and feel a pang of guilt which I push deep down out of sight. As I summon the Batwing to our location I tell myself that it was necessary, that he's a killer and that I shouldn't go soft on him. It still hurts though. I don't want to think about why.**

 

 

 

 


	6. Gotham.

**I can't stop thinking about him. Its been 3 weeks since we got back from London and I'd seen no sign of him in that time. Normally he would have escaped from Arkham by now so earlier today I phoned the doctors there and asked them what was going on. The reports I received were not good. He hasn't eaten or slept at all since we got back and has refused to speak to anyone. For Joker this sort of behaviour is so different that it's cause for concern which why I'm now being lead through the stark white corridors of Arkham Asylum towards Joker's cell. The staff here think I'll be able to help. The true is that I'm probably the one who caused all this in the first place. I'm not sure what I expect to find in there and I don't know what I'm going to do or say. For once in my life I don't have a plan.**

**Luckily, because it's me, we get talk alone and unsupervised. Thank goodness for small mercies. The cell door clangs shut behind me and I gaze at my new dark and dingy surroundings. The first thing I notice is the straight jacket lying abandoned on the floor but that's only because I was looking for it. You can never be too careful when it comes to the Joker. After that I start to notice the rest of the room and I feel my mouth fall open in astonishment. On the wall running alongside the bed are loads of photographs, photos of Joker and me. Taking a closer look I recognise all the places we went to on our trip and I'm surprised by how many he managed to take of the two of us together. I feel a strange pain in my chest as I look at one of us in St Petersburg. Joker is smiling and waving at the camera whilst I glare in the opposite direction, completely oblivious to what's going on.**

**Taking a deep breath I turn my attention to the figure curled up on the bed with its back to me. "Joker, it's me. We need to talk" I announce, clearing my throat nervously. Sitting up he turns to face me and I'm left speechless. There are dark circles under his eyes, his hair is all dishevelled and the usual bright red lipstick has almost worn away completely. It's the eyes that truly stand out the most though. There is a hint of anger and sadness in them but the main spark is gone. Behind the vale of emotion they are dead and haunted. I'll feel sickened with myself as I stare at him. What have I done?**

 

_"Get out, I don't want anything more to do with you."_

_My head feels like it's going to explode there's so much going on inside it. Part of me wants to throw my arms around his neck and never let him go whereas another part of me wants nothing better than to torture and kill him in the slowest and most painful way possible. I don't have the energy for either of these things or to let those emotions show. I don't have the energy for anything anymore. "We need to talk" he repeats lamely, all authority gone from his voice. I go blind with rage as I look at him. How dare he become so pathetic, how dare he fall apart!_

_"DO WE?! I TRIED TO TALK REMEMBER BUT YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN! OH YOU ACT LIKE YOU WILL, YOU OFFER YOUR HAND TO PULL ME UP OUT OF THE DARKNESS BUT WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT YOU'D RATHER STAB ME IN THE BACK AND LEAVE ME! WELL I CAN'T COPE WITH BEING STRUNG ALONG LIKE THAT ANYMORE! EITHER SAVE ME OR KILL ME! IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE STOMACH TO MAKE THAT DECISION THEN BY ALL MEANS LEAVE ME HERE TO ROT BUT DON'T EXPECT ME TO STILL WANT YOU IN MY LIFE AFTER THAT BECAUSE I WON'T!"_

_I'm right up in his face, screaming at him but he doesn't even flinch. He just stands there and takes it. A ringing silence follows. Somehow I feel both emotionally dead and overloaded at the same time. Why can't it all just stop? "I'm sorry" he whispers suddenly, looking at the floor. "What?" I ask, taken aback but still angry. "I said I'm sorry. I let my emotions cloud my judgement and as a result_ _I acted in a way which was totally out of order. There was no bomb, you lied about that. It's only since I got back to Gotham that I have fully realised that. You had done nothing wrong and I should have stopped and listened to you. Sorry" he says, sounding like a business man apologising for a company mishap. Just as dead and just as unfeeling. "You only just realised that? Gotham PD could have told you that straight away and they are about as stupid as you can get. Are you really that blind or is this your way of getting back at me for all the things I've done to hurt you? If so, and lets be honest I definitely deserve it, just be honest about it. I can respect you for that but not for behaving like a soulless coward. Well if that's what you are trying to do then consider the lesson learned because I wish I had never met you. You make me sick!" I shout. I turn away from him and there's another intense silence._

_"I make myself sick."_

_I turn back round to stare at him in amazement. Then something  happens that I never expected. He reaches up and a second later the famous bat cowl is dropped on the floor next to my abandoned straight jacket. I vaguely recognise the face of Bruce Wayne but it's not the face that's important, it's the action. What is he trying to do?_

_"You're right, I've strung you along. I said that if you wanted my help, if you wanted things to end differently, then I would be there but I wasn't. You tried to open up to me about something but I just pushed you away because I was to scared to look at it. You have every reason to be mad at me but I doubt you'll ever be as mad at me as I am with myself. I was too scared to deal with my own feelings  so I hid from them, in doing so I hurt you and I will never forgive myself for that. I am so sorry, I wish I could make it better but I don't know how. I don't expect you to forgive me. Just ... just promise me you wont let anyone treat you the way I did ever again" he finishes in a rush._

_With the cowl gone I realise that I have been wrong the whole time, I didn't really know him. It wasn't his face he had been hiding behind the mask, it was his emotions. He was bearing his soul to me. He was handing me all his weaknesses, hoping that I wouldn't throw them back to him all twisted and broken. The fact that he was prepared to go through that, prepared to drop the defences of Batman and be this open with me was incredible. I make my decision. "If I tell you something, something you might not like, will you stay and listen?" I ask quietly. He nods solemnly. I take a deep breath. This is it._

_"Ever since I met you I've  felt as though we are destined to be together. Something about you draws me to you and I can't stop it. I've done so many things just to get your attention. You're everything to me, you are literally my whole life and as crazy as this is going to sound ... I think I love you. No. I KNOW I love you, with all my heart. I just wish I had never started this sick game, then we wouldn't be trapped on a course which neither of us have the power to stop."_

_It hurts. I clutch my head and breakdown into noisy and frightening sobs. I can't tell which feelings are which. Grief, guilt, anger, hopelessness. They're all mixed up together and I can't even begin to figure out what thoughts and feelings they are connected to. It seems you can't escape your emotions even in madness. They just follow you there but lose all context. I'm not sure if that is better or worse. I'm screaming so much that I feel like I'm about to vomit. Then I feel strong arms wrap round me as Bruce pulls me close to him. I lean into him and bury my face in his shoulder, trying to hide from everything. "I love you too" he whispers in my ear. I'm so shocked that I stop screaming. I just gasp like a fish out of water, holding him tightly. "Yes you have done loads of things to hurt me and the people I care about and I am still extremely angry about it but I love you anyway. I can't help it. Besides, I've treated you badly too. I haven't been able to face up to my feelings before because I didn't see how it could possibly go anywhere. I was scared of  getting hurt so I shut it out. I realised now that ultimately I don't care if it doesn't work. If the world has to burn then you are the one I want at my side when things go up in flames" he says more strongly. We step apart and look into each others eyes, neither of us breaking our hold on one another. I stare into gorgeous blue eyes and as I gaze into their perfection I finally believe him. "So what the plan?" I ask as run my fingers through his silky black hair. There's a pause and then he smiles. A real and beautiful smile. I fall in love with him all over again. "Meet me at Gotham Funland in 3 hours" he tells me, picking up his cowl as he does so. Giving me the famous Bruce Wayne playboy wink he dons the mask once more and leaves. I stand frozen for a moment then, finally coming to my senses, I get to work. 3 hours isn't a long time to wait but I bet it will feel like forever._

__

 

**I stare at my reflection in the mirror and heave a heavy sigh. I've gone for a completely blue outfit of a shirt, sleeves rolled up, with a tie and matching trousers and waistcoat but I'm still not sure whether it's right. I don't want to be too formal but at the same time I don't want to come off looking too casual either. I try to do something with my hair, it doesn't end well as my hand are shaking so much due to nerves. The fact that I managed to do my tie up is a miracle in itself. "Do you need any help Master Wayne?" a voice asks. I turn round and look desperately at Alfred who is stood in the doorway. "Is this alright for a date?" I ask. He looks me up and down then, coming over, proceeds to sort my hair out. For gods sake I'm a grown man, I should be able to do this sort of thing myself by now. "Going on a date so soon?" Alfred inquires with a distinct note of disapproval in his voice. I understand. I disappeared to Europe and didn't even bother to tell him if I managed to find the cure to Bane's virus. I was a away for so long without contact that he probably thought I had died. I nod sheepishly. "Am I allowed to ask who with?" he continues as he steps back to admire his handy work. "It's someone I've known for a long time" I respond, making it clear that I don't intend to elaborate further. He raises an eyebrow. "See you later Alfred. Thanks for everything" I call over my shoulder as I head for the door. "Good luck Master Wayne" he replies. I turn back and see him smiling fondly at me, although still looking rather exasperated. I smile gratefully back.**

**I spend the whole drive worrying. What if Joker hadn't managed to get out of Arkham? What if he had and was busy planning some chaotic schemes of his own? I try to push that thought out of my head. I have to expect better than that. More importantly I have to BE better than that. I park the car and make my way to the entrance of Gotham Funland. Pushing through the crowd I finally catch a glimpse of him. His make up and hair are as flawless as ever and he's teamed it with slim cut purple jeans, a matching jacket, a green shirt and an orange scarf. He looks amazing and I realise just how happy I am now that I can finally admit that.**

 

_I glance around me in a paranoid fashion as I wait for Batsy to turn up. Any second now I expect the police to pull up in front of me and take me away, possibly on Batman's orders. After all, why would he ever want to spend time with me? This is probably all some elaborate trick. Stop it Joker, stop thinking like that! I'm just about ready to lose it when I see him. Bruce Wayne. He's meeting me here as Bruce Wayne?! I hadn't seen that coming. "Hello J" he says, looking nervous but happy. Happy. Happy because of me. I let that sink in. "Hi Bruce" I mutter shyly. There's a pause. I'm not sure if it's an awkward pause or not. "Shall we go and have some fun?" he asks, gesturing to the fairground behind us. I nod enthusiastically having somehow forgotten how to speak. He sets off and after waiting until he's a fair distance in front of me I follow. Noticing this he soon turns round and comes back over to me. "What are you doing?" he asks, looking both concerned and confused. I bite my lip. "Look Bruce, I never expected you to turn up ... well, like this. I have no idea how to act around you. You have an image to maintain after all and I'm not just talking about the billionaire playboy if you know what I mean. I just don't want to mess things up for you" I burst out. He stares at me for a second in surprise then I feel his hands grasp mine. "You're my boyfriend J and I love you with all my heart. I don't care about what anyone else thinks about it. It's our life and it's our business, no one else's. I came here to spend time with you and unless you feel uncomfortable with that then that is what I plan to do. Don't ever feel like you have to hide when you are with me, for my sake or for anyone else's" he tells me. I'm speechless. He actually thinks of me as his boyfriend?! Suddenly I can't hold back any longer so without warning I throw my arms around his neck and kiss him. He freezes for a moment due to shock but then I feel him start to kiss back. I pour everything into the kiss. My heart, my soul and every single one of my mixed up emotions, desperate for him to understand exactly how I feel about him. Wrapping his arms around my waist Bruce continues to kiss me deeply and I can tell he is trying just as hard to get his feelings across to me. After what seems like forever we break apart and rest our foreheads against each other. "I love you" I whisper happily. "I love you too" he replies immediately with a tender smile. I'm so overcome with happiness that I plant several more frantic kisses on his cheeks. Laughing I grab him by the hand and together we make our way towards the rides, just happy to be together._

_"You know what Bruce? I think this is the start of a beautiful relationship."_

The End.


End file.
